Potty Humor

*Caution: if you don't like potty humor or bodily functions then skip this one*

Ok, you have been warned. A few days ago the three of us were in the car driving to an appointment. Mike and I were talking about how our country in on it's way to destruction when Maggie had this little conversation with herself in the back seat:

"Oh, I tooted (AKA- fart) !" accompanied by a silly little laugh.. A minute later "I tooted again!"

We all laughed a little though Mike and I prayed that was all she was doing (more on that later). We continued our conversation and from the back seat we hear the funniest thing ...

"....Wow, what's that smell? It's stinky!"

We both started to laugh as Maggie had never put two and two together that farts stink. I don't know if it was because she had never been in a confined place when she has "passed gas" before or what. She made us laugh so hard as we tried to explain to our alomst 3 year old that farts are sometimes stinky. I don't think she believed us at first. Ounce at our appointment the stinkies continued along with the announcement of their arrival. I feel so bad for whoever had to be in that room after us.

This was just the start of our week dealing with bodily functions. Ever since our trip Maggie has refused to poop in the toilet. She throws a HUGE tantrume and refusses to do it. I don't know if it is because she got so constipated while on the trip that it hurt to go or the fact that she has man size poops. We have tried everything even going against my belief and giving bribes of candy when stickers, popsicles, new panties, and balloons didn't work. We have tried threats of going back to diapers. She didn't care and asked for it to go in. We have tried nice and strict. Nothing has worked. We are at our wits end and so we have just gone back to pull ups for a few weeks and not making a big deal about it. We will try again with painties after a little time out.

Well, to help, we started on a stool softeners and all that did was make her have wet farts, if you know what I mean. Mike must have called them skid marks once or twice as when I came home from work one night Maggie came up to me as I was sitting eatting dinner and asks if I wanted to play "skid marks" with her. If I would have been drinking milk I would have launched it clear across the kitchen in a beautiful stream of white. Instead I looked at her and asked "play what?" "Skid Marks mom, want to play?" When asked what that was she didn't know she just said "Skid marks mom." Like I should know. After dinner she continued on the subject of skid marks so I told her," look I'm going to be a big girl (oh how I love the fact that being a mom you loose all privacy) and I'm going to make skid marks in the toilet want to come?" (ok so you can't say I didn't warned you) Maggie followed me into the bathroom and proced to tell me how to go poop in the potty.

"You ok mom? Ok, just use your muscels like this (grunting and moaning with hands pushing on stomach)."

The only thing missing was the "come out poop, come out" chant that I do for her when she is on the potty. I just laughed and laughed. Oh Maggie, I will always remember your skid mark game. If only I could get you to make skid marks in the toilet again and not your panties.