Good-bye Brenda

We found out that Brenda, Maggie's birth grandma, passed away today. It was unexpectedly expected. She has been dealing with health problems for a long time and slipped into a coma yesterday. Our hearts are saddened, and go out to Kelsey and her siblings. How hard to be so young and to go through the things she has had to go through. We feel so blessed that things worked out this summer for us to be able to meet Brenda when we visited Kelsey and to spend a few hours with her. I don't know a lot about Brenda, just a few thing here and there that Kelsey has talked about. I know that she has had problems and that her choices in life haven't always been the best and have affected herself and her children dearly. In those few hours we spent with her, I know that she loves her children even if her actions didn't always show it. I know that Kelsey loves her mom anyway and misses her deeply. During our visit, Brenda told me how proud she was of Kelsey, and that she had made the right choice for Maggie. How that warmed my heart to hear her say those words. My only hope is that her seeing how happy and loved Maggie is somehow gave her peace also. See Brenda is an angel also; she is a birthmom. Unfortunately she never got to see her little boy or find him. This would have been Kelsey's wish for her mom - to have the peace of knowing that you made the right choice. Sitting here thinking of her I feel that Brenda knows this peace now.

It is times like these that I am reminded why I am grateful for the gospel in my life. It helps me when I loose someone to know that I will see them again and that this life isn't the end but only the beginning. The gospel gives me purpose especially in hard times, by knowing that there is purpose in everything even if I can't see it. It helps me with choices in my life that may seem harmless as drinking that first bottle of beer but can end with a life of heartache and pain. Our Father in Heaven loves us so much, He gives us rules and laws to help guide us and keep us away from sorrow that can be caused by bad choices. He also loves us so much that He gives us our agency to make those choices, but we have to be accountable and go through the sorrow and pain that those choices cause. This doesn't mean He doesn't love us, just the opposite. Taking care of a three year old has proven this to me. It is hard to see her struggle to do things that would be easier for me to do for her instead. I know however that she needs to learn these things and the joy I get from seeing her light up when she figures things out is priceless.

Somedays when there is so much pain in the world and in our lives, so much anger and hatred, it is hard to see and feel the love of our Heavenly Father. He is however there watching over us like an anxious parent just waiting for His child to turn to Him for comfort. We just have to turn to Him and He will be there.

Good-bye Brenda. Thanks for having such an amazing daughter.